May 22, 2008...12:18 am

Now a wall is mocking me … what is the deal?

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I recently moved into a new apartment, which actually allows you to paint. Given the option for the first time in my apartment-dwelling life, I felt obligated to take them up on it. Plus, I was just going to do one accent wall. How hard can that be? Silly me.

To play off my new furniture, I first painted the wall sage blue to really make my new cream-colored overstuffed chair really stand out. Well, it was too dark. It was almost as if the wall screamed at you when you walked in the door. “HEY, YOU! LOOK OVER HERE! I’M A BLUE WALL. I KNOW YOU SEE ME. DON’T TRY TO LOOK AWAY. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.”

The blue wasn’t working out, so I went back to Lowe’s to buy another color. This time — apprehensive of anything dark – I went for a light brown color, to complement rather than match the new sage blue couch. After two coats, you could barely tell I had painted the wall. Now, it whispers, “Excuse me please. If it isn’t too much trouble, you could strain your eyes to notice that I have a brown tint about me. I don’t mean to bother you, I apologize.”

That isn’t working either.

I’m going to Lowe’s AGAIN tomorrow to buy yet another can of paint. I’m buying the first can I see labeled Dark, But Unobtrusive Brown.

It’s one wall, people. This is ridiculous.

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